The Fertility Journey:
Like what was required of the Buddha:
You must Put Your Head in the Mouth of All Your Raging Fears
Waiting for conception is an overwhelming experience each month for countless women. My path since 2001, for the most part, has been to support women’s reproductive heath. Without meaning to, I’ve learned so much from every woman’s experiences on her journey, through their experiences with other practitioners, and with me. These women have taught me things I couldn’t have learned any other way. Holding space for women who are usually desperate to conceive by the time they find me, is a delicate art. Sometimes I stumble with the responsibility.
I don’t use the word desperate lightly. It’s not meant to be harsh. But time, money and energy may be running out. What can she do? she wonders. She says she’ll do anything. This is much easier said than done for most women. It’s become clear to me with working with fertility challenges over the years, that there are reactions to the process that women can’t know ahead of time. These emotional reactions are huge factors in staying the course.
It is my intention to name some of the ways of how these unsuspected and unacknowledged factors manifest. Just so you are not surprised. I’m here to educate, after all. There are monsters that will raise their ugly heads, and some of these monsters will have your own face on them. I give you the truth I have experienced. This road is not for the faint of heart.
Not all women who find me have tried IUI or IVF first. But most women in the DC metro area who seek me out, have. I tell them I can’t guarantee anything, but I will share every relevant thing I know with them to support them in their hearts desire. Sometimes it’s not clear whether the desire for having a child is coming from the heart or from the head.
Sometimes there is no father present, sometimes the partner is a woman, and sometimes the partner is not on board with the program, one way or another. If there is no physical father present, or if the partner is not fully, 110% supportive of this process: Well, there’s another monster.
So, the following are potential broad maps to help you navigate the territory ahead. And as we all know, the map is not the landscape. You may have the tools or you may have the willingness to navigate the terrain; one or the other. You need both. I can give you tools and support, but I can’t give you the willingness to stay the course, no matter what it takes. That comes from within you. I can assure you, you will be tested.
You will think it is me that is failing you after months go by, you will become impatient. Particularly if you call yourself “type A”, or use your mind more than you trust your body. You will want to look for other quicker, more techie/degreed, sanctioned practitioners. You will begin to think I have taken you for a ride.
This is a ride. No doubt about it. But taking you for a ride is not my intention. It’s just part of the journey.
And accompanying you on a journey fraught with disappointment, hope, disillusionment, and so much more, with nurturing, patience and understanding is an art that is sometimes results in heartbreak for both of us. But I’m here for you and on your side, by your side. So that at least you don’t feel so isolated. I accompany you to help you make sense of what arises, and to offer tools/perspective….whatever I know, I will share with you from the heart. And if it seems that an additional practitioner will benefit you, I will help you find a good fit, if you wish it of me.
This is a heart journey for you, and for me.
So here are the monsters. Let’s name them and see what they look like. Then we can put our heads in their mouths with no fear.